Creating an Addict - Crossing the Threshold

With a topic like alcoholism and addiction (used interchangeably in this post), it is difficult, if not impossible, to point a finger at a specific moment in life and declare, ‘that is when I became an alcoholic’. Given that I have been blessed with an incredible amount of time to sit and reflect on my story and relationship with alcohol, I have been able to get as close to pointing out a specific date as I feel is possible for my story. That’s not said as a boastful claim, but to give readers hope that they can understand their path to addiction if they want. There is a way that I discovered through my recovery journey that helps clarify three important forces in a persons life that can lead to becoming an addict. I will share those forces, and methods of reflecting back on your own story, here.

First, a fact that will certainly cause some readers to exit this post or shut their computer/phone - addiction and alcoholism is a disease, that once infected, will never leave you. It is like losing a leg - you will never truly grow another one back. HOWEVER - you can learn how to accept and live with your alcoholism or addiction just as I have, and hundreds of thousands of other individuals. Just because you have the illness doesn’t mean your substance of choice has to run and ruin your life.

I know how difficult it is to accept the fact that once you have crossed the threshold and become an addict to a specific substance that there’s no undoing of this fact. Trust me when I say I struggled with this immensely. That being said, I found extreme comfort the more I learned about my path to being an alcoholic, as it became clear to me that I can’t control these moments and forces anymore that crossed me over the threshold. They happened, largely without my knowledge or consent, and all I can do now is accept their place in my story. I hope that one day you can look back and actually find beauty and clarity in your story. Now, onto the forces.

These forces do not have to exist in equal degree within an individual to push them across the threshold. In fact, only one is needed, and this leads to some significant confusion in the addict community when a seemingly healthy and “normal” person with a great childhood and upbringing is ill with alcoholism. Additionally, some individuals are capable of handling significant more application of these forces before being pushed across the threshold. That concept I haven’t spent much time thinking about outside of personally just witnessing that some people can “handle” more before becoming an alcoholic.

Here are the three forces that can push an individual across the threshold of addiction. Remember, once you cross there is no “unbecoming” an addict/alcoholic. These are not in any order of importance:

Genetics

This is the piece that none of us control. You’re either born with it or not. Now, there are significant studies coming out showing that there are methods of turning on and turning off genetics, and I’ll steer clear of that added complexity now to just simply state - look at your family tree and your family history with substances. Are there significant individuals or history of alcohol or other substances impacting lives? Do you know about addiction struggles one of your family members has? That is your best clue about how this force plays itself out in your life.

Trauma

I choose to think about and define trauma in a very particular way. This definition arose because I looked at individuals who suffered greatly, and lived in extremely rough and difficult upbringings, yet I would classify their trauma as less than mine. It confused me, how could that be I had a wonderful life and upbringing, yet I felt I had undefined trauma in my life? I believe it is because trauma is simply the difference between expectations and reality. A large delta between expected reality and experience reality will create trauma within an individual. You’ll see in my story how I had certain perceptions of trust, friendship and safety that were shattered at a pivotal time in my life. While not the most difficult thing to happen to any human being ever in the existence of humanity, it was traumatic to my reality and perception of life. If trauma is suppressed and not discussed, it can be a massive forcing function that pushes an individual towards or across the threshold of addiction.

Reflect back on your life and story and look for events where your belief about reality was disrupted by reality itself. Then ask yourself - did you deal with those disruptive moments in a healthy manner, or did you try to ignore and suppress those times in your life?

Culture

This forcing function is simply the culture that you are surrounded by, both on a micro and macro level. Generally speaking, our American culture is very celebratory about the ability to consume unhealthy quantities of alcohol. There are studies claiming that 1-2 drinks a night leads to longevity benefits, though I would strongly argue for a case of correlation not equating to causation on all fronts there. The point is, if you’re a standard American, check the box that your broad macro culture is very much normalizing the consumption of a deadly substance.

Further, there are the micro cultures that we surround ourselves with that have a massive impact to our belief structure, thought patterns and help us form critical habits. Live in a fraternity house between the ages of 18-22? I can speak from experience and say that you likely saw, if not participated in, actions that probably formed habits that will generate a significant amount of push towards the threshold. Am I saying all fraternity members are alcoholics? No. But you can’t tell me that normalizing drinking at 8 am to cure a hangover are the right habits to be forming at such a pivotal age.

Understanding these three forcing functions allowed me to reflect back on my story and figure out how I became an alcoholic. I had accepted that I was an alcoholic before my story became clear to me, but what I found in understanding the how of becoming an alcoholic was that it allowed me to once and for all solidify my acceptance that I am an alcoholic. I know I will never be cured, but I can certainly life a fulfilling life with my disease, and it doesn’t control me any more.

All the best to you. With much love and gratitude,

Kyle