The Promises
I’ll tell you something that makes me cringe. Our culture’s general obsession and focus on happiness. As I write this out, I don’t even really know how to properly define the word happiness. It always seemed to me that it meant just having a stupid smile on your face. When I was at my lowest lows in my battle with alcoholism, I never thought I could find genuine happiness again, and what I meant by that is that I would never laugh again, never enjoy music again and never feel deep and genuine love again. Never is a strong word in this case, but that’s what it felt like… an absolute.
During my time in recovery, what I have discovered, is that happiness is the wrong measuring stick. The most wonderful and amazing insight that I have gained as a result of being in active recovery is this, and I think this is the secret to life - having the ability to practice gratitude and find joy in the midst of suffering leads to the greatest and most real sense of meaning in life. The beautiful aspect of entering into recovery is that this gift is ready and waiting for you. I have elected to have Alcoholics Anonymous be a key part in my recovery journey and it is absolutely mindblowing what suffering people can endure and still find peace and gratitude with life because they are free from the pulls of their addiction. This can be yours too if you want it bad enough.
Nothing in the literature that I have read regarding purpose, meaning, addiction and recovery has explicitly said this, but I am rapidly coming to believe that this is the greatest gift I have ever (accidentally) given myself. This is the promise of being in recovery, that you can find immense joy and discover aspects of life that are worth being grateful for, even during periods of life that bring what seem like the greatest suffering upon you. At the very least, a recovered addict can always say, ‘at least I am sober’ when dealing with any shit sandwich that life may decide to throw their way.
While this mindset shift is easily the aspect of recovery that has helped me shed my weakness and desire to consume any alcohol, there are some other really important benefits that I have gained in my time in recovery. For the most part, every aspect of my life got exceedingly better on a much quicker timeline than I ever expected. There’s no guarantee of that for you, but I promise you that if you commit to your recovery, you will see some of, if not all, of these aspects I noticed myself come back into your life.
What I Have Gained Back
Short Term
Eye sparkle - this one is hard for me to quantify, but my eyes were bloodshot, yellow and sunken when I was struggling with my addiction. Many people noticed how my eyes cleared up, that sunken aspect of them disappeared, and they just seemed brighter. This happened quickly.
Skin health - I used to get weird growths under my skin along my chin line. Those have all but cleared up.
Fingernail and hair health - another weird one, but when I was drinking I could almost feel it through my hair and the brittleness of my nails.
Self-love - This was big for me. I hated myself, I was completely unforgiving of mistakes. I practiced self-love in rehab by looking in my eyes and saying “I love you” every time I passed a mirror. It worked. I now find myself respecting, forgiving and admiring myself in a way I never could have imagined before. This surprised me how quickly I came to believe that I actually did love myself.
Love of music has returned - I loved music growing up. I played three instruments and could spend hours just sitting and listening to music. When I was deep in my cycle of addiction, I noticed that love was lost, I didn’t find joy in the rhythms and any energy from music. Now, I’m cranking up the volume on some songs that might be too embarrassing to admit.
Sleep quality - Sleep was a big focus of mine when I was in rehab. I did not set any alarms, I worked out each day, and I listened to my body when it was tired. I found that after my period of detox (~3 days) that I was sleeping full nights and waking up well rested.
Consistent energy - I stopped having major mental fogginess and lethargy fairly rapidly. I believe working out daily and focusing on sleep were a massive piece of this improvement.
Long(er) Term
My dog loves me again! - Seriously, my dog started HATING and judging me big time when I drank. I would crack a can and she would cower and hide away because she knew what sort of disaster was about to ensue. As I type this up, she is snuggled up right against me.
Weight management - I know weight is a touchy subject, but I was able to drop considerable weight that I had been slowly putting on since the days of COVID. I can now manage my weight much more tightly versus when I was drinking and would swing +/- 15 lbs during a binge.
Key relationships - My relationships have not all been healed, but nearly every relationship that I truly care about has been bettered in some form or another. My wife’s comment the other night, “we have so much more time together now that we’re not always talking about your drinking”.
Loss of anxiety and depression symptoms - You will find out more about this in My Story, but I was on a bevy of pills to treat depression and anxiety. After entering recovery, and becoming active in sharing my struggles in AA meetings, my symptoms of depression and anxiety have literally disappeared entirely. Yes, I get nervous still talking in front of a bunch of people, but I can manage it now.
Interest in other people - Looking back at when I was in my cycles of addiction, I was so self-consumed with my misery that I did not care about any one else… at all. Now that I am in recovery, I have genuine conversations with friends and strangers. I find myself excited for other people when great things are happening in their life. It makes me feel deeply connected with them and the world.
This is just the start of the list. Literally every single aspect of my life has gotten better after I accepted my alcoholism and entered into recovery. This is there for you if you so desire it.
We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situation which used to baffle us.
-Alcoholics Anonymous, pg. 83-84
Into Action
So what can you do to start gaining some of the things that are promised to us in recovery? Personally, I think it starts with self-love and gratitude. See if you can commit to ONE WEEK of the following:
Every time you pass a mirror, look directly into your own eyes and say out loud, “I love you”
At the end of the day, write down ONE thing that you are grateful for from the day. It could be:
A state of mind
Something you witnessed
A feeling you had
Something someone said
Literally anything you noticed through the day
I hope to convey how shambled my life was prior to entering recovery. In addition to my own story, I have heard from hundreds of other addicts in my time in recovery about the state of their lives before accepting their addiction and entering into a life of recovery. There is not one whose situations in life were not made better in recovery. These improvements of life are all here for you, I know it feels like they never will be, but you have to just take it one day at a time and amazing things will transpire before your eyes.
All the best and all my love,
Kyle